I’m supposed to have an endless supply of things to talk about. Great ideas to muse over, or funny anecdotes to share. Pieces of my life and observations put into words and given freely to the world. I’m meant to connect with others, to find common ground, and to express my emotions regarding the state of existence.
But all I have are half-written blog posts about things which only serve to inspire me for a moment.
I’ve started–hold up, let me count them–sixteen entries which haven’t been finished recently. There are a couple which are fully written, but I’m not quite interested in posting them yet. It’s not that I’m worried about sharing these insights so much as I’m straddling the line between introvert and extrovert, and it just takes so much more effort to put things out there.
And to be perfectly honest, I almost feel like I have to hoard it all, store it up, to prepare for when I will absolutely need to push myself out into the spotlight when I launch The Damning Moths. That will require all of this enthusiasm and charisma. I can call the energy forth when I need to, but it makes everything else seem that much heavier. A little more strain on my reclusive half.
I’ve seen so many humourous comics or captioned images lately that reflect my state of being exactly: I don’t mind going out, but that means I need to put on pants and actually see people. I like being a writer, where I can sit at home and make things up about fictional people with outrageous abilities and entertaining quirks. I get true enjoyment out of putting together unlikely scenarios then figuring out how they make perfect sense.
Surely, I should have more thoughts to share with this corner of the world, right?
The proclivity to write does not translate to finding something worth saying. I can compose dozens of things, but deciding whether to put them into this specific platform is another thing altogether. I’m not interested in this blog being political, or adding this voice to the cries of social reform; at some stage I realised I don’t want to bring my opinionated side here. I have other places to get into debates (which I do often), and I suppose, I just don’t want to invite argument in yet another location I frequent.
But sometimes, that leaves me with little to say.
~A
The Fane 
I tire of arguments everywhere fairly quickly, in part because I try to remain objective and in the end find subjective opinions fairly common and trashy. Most of the time, I see people wanting what they’re not going to get. When I see that in myself, I only ever find it disappointing, but it doesn’t help to feel bad about it.
People who make a big splash do save it up. They refuse to talk at the wrong time so there’s something to talk about when they want attention. It’s extremely hard to keep a loyal following without having something to say constantly, but then again it’s pretty easy to just become another droning voice. As the author of the Damning Moths, you want people to know your opinion on French Fries and the people who eat them? I doubt it.
That’s a big part of it; wouldn’t it be more important to only speak when there’s something interesting to say, rather than force an update about nothing in particular?
~A